28 Nisan 2012 Cumartesi

Life in Pictures

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Today I spent over two hours organizing the enormous photo library on my computer. I realized that I have so many photos, but I so rarely share them. I'm going to try to put more pictures on my blog, starting now. I'm thinking of doing a series of posts with pictures from different parts of my life. For now - the cache from the glorious years of adolescence.
There is a theme in these photos. The theme is that I did not learn how to dress myself until I was well into my college years.

All through high school I wore that massive cross necklace. I seriously don't remember why.
More importantly, this is the best photo I have of my beloved dog, Molly.

This is some Halloween where I must have raided my mom's closet. 
Please note that my friends have actual costumes.
Please note my boots.
Please note the giant bear.

Why, yes, I am wearing a shirt that says "Dick's Last Resort" along with a giant cross. 
That was how I rolled circa 2003.



 My friend Tyler had a hoodie I liked to borrow.It was easy for me to get away with sleeping during trig when I wore this.He gave it to me for my 17th birthday.I was so excited to look like a hobo.Please note the bronze paisley pants.



 There are many things hilarious about this picture.But the plaid pants outshine all.



 This is my "fortress of doom" at Interlochen.Also the ugliest bedding ever. Guess who picked that out all by herself.

   Meet T.J. Funkmaster Squirrel.He is a real squirrel from EBay.Fun fact - all that pimp gear came with just one Bratz doll.
And of course...Guess whether I had a date. Just guess.

10 Colleges I Wish I'd Applied To

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I've been doing a ton of school related research in the last few years, and one of the things it's resulted in is me kicking myself for the way I went about applying for my undergrad. I had no idea what I was doing. Although I got lucky because I ultimately came to love my alma mater, it was not an easy ride, and I do sometimes wish that I had had a different undergraduate experience - namely, at a smaller university with a more flexible music curriculum. All I cared about when I was an undergrad was who would be teaching me horn. I didn't care about money, academics, student body, or even location beyond the general thought that I wanted to live in Boston if possible.

My horn teacher only let me apply to five schools - I sneaked a sixth in there by applying to the double degree program at NEC/Tufts - so I wound up going with a mix of schools who had horn teachers I either knew or had heard good things about. BU, NEC, Indiana, FSU, and Emory (never mind that Emory barely has a music program - I heard good things about the teacher, so I applied). This is mind-boggling to me now. Those five schools are so different. Even their music programs are so different. I wound up being waitlisted at NEC, Tufts, and Emory, and accepted to BU, FSU, and Indiana. If I could do it all over again, I would have a very different list. And, knowing what I know now, I would not have applied exclusively for horn performance. Here's what I wish I had done:


1) Boston University - This is the only one that would have stayed on my list. I loved Boston and knew that I wanted a college experience there if I could swing it. If I could do it again, however, I probably would have applied to the University Professors' Program, which at the time was the only program that allowed you to design your own curriculum across all of BU's various colleges. This is currently being replaced by a larger honors program, but I gather that the gist of it is still the same. BU has a veritable smorgasboard of fantastic professors, courses, and opportunities. I lucked into some of them (like the semester in London) and missed out on others (like undergraduate research opportunities).


2.) Oberlin College - The best of both worlds, Oberlin is famous for a fantastic conservatory and rigorous academics. It's also a place that encourages double degrees (at B.U. it was nearly impossible, no matter what the brochures say). I have met a number of Oberlin alumni in the last several years; to a man, they adore their school and speak so highly of their experience that I can't help but feel jealous.


3.) Sewanee, the University of the South - I wish that I had not let my music major mania cross this off my list. Until I decided to focus exclusively on horn, I had always assumed I would apply and likely attend Sewanee. It has the most beautiful campus on the face of the earth (by comparison, BU looks like urban blight), myriad traditions, a fantastic coffeehouse, great academics, and is within driving distance of both Chattanooga and Nashville.


4.) St. John's College - This place sounds like my heaven. They have a unique curriculum based entirely around reading. For four years, all students work their way through Western thought, beginning with the Greeks. Everybody studies Greek and French. Mathematics and science are studied from primary texts, and everybody also studies music in their sophomore year. It really sounds like a life of the mind. And there are two great campuses to choose from, one in Annapolis and one in Santa Fe. Instead I wound up in a TA'd sight-singing class at 8am for two years straight. Damn.


5.) Bard College - Another place where music and academics mesh with much more elegance than at BU. They have fantastic music faculty - most are members of the NY Philharmonic - combined with an intense academic experience, including a senior capstone project. It's artsy, eclectic, and progressive. Also I'm willing to bet their music building isn't literally falling apart, which is more than I could say for BU during my time there.


6.) Barnard College - I doubt seriously that I would have stood a chance of being admitted, but damn. I would have done Barnard. So hard. Prestigious women's college in the heart of New York. Limitless opportunities in the city itself. So hard. So hard.


7.) Lawrence University - Similar to Oberlin, it has a great conservatory with flexibility to study other things as well. And all the people I know who attended Lawrence loved it - like, they really love their alma mater. I wish that I had that kind of glowing fondness for BU. But part of loving BU is hating it - the T, the bureaucracy, the crumbling music building, the nasty West Campus dorms. The list goes on.


8.) Tulane University - another one I had always intended to apply to until I decided Horn Rules All. I would have loved to spend four years in New Orleans, and the university itself, from what I know, is great and well-loved.


9.) University of Tennessee - My eighteen year old self was a snob. I thought U.T. was beneath me at the time. Then I took a summer course there and loved it. The campus is nice. The academics are good. It's affordable. And it would have been nice to have a traditional undergrad experience at a big state school with big sports teams. Knoxville is cool, and it's close to my beloved mountains. Oh,  how I wish I had applied to U.T.


10) Grinnell College - Grinnell is a small liberal arts college with a lot of opportunities for its students and a really rigorous curriculum. Sometimes I wish I had had the small-town liberal arts college experience, where the campus was my 24/7 life and I could have really devoted my time to academic study. Oh, Grinnell. I didn't even know you existed in 2004. Too bad.


This has been: Clarissa re-living her life choices as if it makes any difference.
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This was the nicest unofficial waitlist/sort of rejection letter I've gotten this MFA season. Just made my day! Amazing what just the smallest encouragement can do for the soul.


 Dear Clarissa,

As you suspected you were in our Top Ten and others who had offers before you have delayed and dawdled and held out for better, the usual early April antics before the deadline. You had better take another acceptance if it pleases you; things look like it might not happen here.  And no, the missing rec letter was of no consequence, not after we read your wonderful submission.

We have only six places and, out of 150 applications, know that you sailed to the top of our pile.  I hope you got in lots of programs; I'm sure we aren't the only ones with eyes who can read.

Iowa State Day

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Today was Iowa State day. Greg's cousin Linda, a current undergrad, gave us a grand tour. Oh, how different Iowa State is from BU. To start, it has a campus. And what a campus. So green, and everything in bloom, the green campus vistas dotted with purple and pink and white blossoms every direction. You could take BU's green space - the tiny sliver of grass behind the library and next to Storrow Drive, known as the "BU Beach" - and fit it into 1/10th of the small quad at ISU.

It looks as a college campus should - clean and green (did I mention the green?) with paths crisscrossing at architecturally pleasing angles, a majestic campanile that chimes every half hour, the buildings a mix of styles from gothic to modern to New England red brick. There's a lovely lush pond with a beloved pair of swans (Lancelot and Elaine). The student union overlooks the pond. The student union is big and has a bowling alley and a lovely open-air bookstore and several cozy sitting rooms with fireplaces. The library is gorgeous and well-designed - a library within a library, airy and bright, like a museum. If BU's library is a five-story brutalist concrete bunker, Iowa State's is a palace of books. With a coffee shop and a reading room to die for.

But ISU is a science and technology campus, most obviously. The science buildings overtake the campus - genetics, mechanical engineering, agricultural engineering, horticulture, chemistry, biology, agronomy, the vet school. There are paddocks with baby horses and cows with cannulas in their stomachs so researchers can reach in and check out their digestion ("Be sure to wear gloves," I was warned, as if I would ever have the opportunity to reach into a cow's innards, "because you can't get that smell off your hands for weeks.") There are rows of greenhouses and an insectary. If the breeze is right, you get whiffs of fertilizer.

We toured the liberal arts buildings and I found them disappointingly utilitarian. Cement block walls, classrooms with no windows, old fashioned desks and chalkboards. This is where I would be teaching. And what sort of students would I be teaching? Linda told us stories about the students she TAs in her agronomy labs, "Iowa farm boys" that occasionally have been kicked out for drunkenness or vulgarity towards the female TAs.

Then there was Ames. The downtown is lovely - all two blocks of it. The rest is sprawl. Hy-vees and Panera Breads and Exxons. And a virtual Camazotz of student apartment buildings, acres off them, off the interstate, and with a view of nothing but the flat Iowa distance. We ate dinner at a popular local restaurant and everything was cooked with butter - the vegetables, the meat - and it gave me a terrible stomachache.

As lovely as it was, I could not quite picture myself living here. There's something to be said for that nebulous charm of "fit," and ISU doesn't have it. I worry that KU won't have it either. Or WVU. And yet somehow I must make this choice.

It's Official...

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I'm going to Iowa State University's MFA Program in Creative Writing and Environment.



I can hardly believe it. There were a whole lot of last-minute waitlist shenanigans over the weekend, but when I got the offer yesterday, I didn't hesitate to take it. The program has everything I want and more, it's close to Greg's family, and I loved the campus (even if I wasn't nuts about Ames - nothing's perfect, right?) It's fully funded with a lower teaching load than the other two schools I was considering and a higher stipend than Kansas.

I am so, so, so happy. So relieved that all of this is over and I never have to apply to MFA programs ever again (I hope). So excited to spend some time in that gorgeous library at Iowa State.

If I learned anything from this process, it is that the game is really not over until you have the rejection letter in hand. Anything can happen right up to April 15. Don't give up hope!

27 Nisan 2012 Cuma

What a Weekend

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I've done quite a bit of traveling in the last four days. Friday night we flew to Kansas City, and bright and early on Saturday morning we were driving four hours from KC to Ames, Iowa. We met up with Greg's cousin Linda at her apartment, where Greg's day was made when he got the chance to play with her pet snakes. Then we headed out to the Iowa State campus for a lovely tour. We got very lucky. It rained buckets the whole ride up there, but just as we arrived at ISU, the skies cleared. It was as if the campus was trying to show itself off for us.


Everything was in bloom, and outside of the horticulture building was a veritable explosion of tulips:


My favorite part of the entire weekend was probably the time I got to spend in Iowa State's library. I wish I had taken more pictures of it, because it was truly spectacular. The original building was very grand and stately; at some point they built an extension around the original building that is very modern and airy. The effect is that of a building within a building, a wonderful mix of space and grandeur, old and new.

Our tour guide posing atop the grand staircase
Greg really got a kick out of the murals decorating the walls in the atrium above. They reminded me of the Pawnee Town Hall murals in Parks & Rec. One of them showed a vet student preparing to give an injection to an unhappy pig. Another one seemed to have the theme of "F*CK YEAH SCIENCE":


Really, it was a beautiful day, and a beautiful place to spend it.


We had planned to sample some of Ames' nightlife that evening, but both Greg and I were so exhausted after dinner that we collapsed in our hotel room. The next day we had Easter lunch with Greg's aunt and uncle and grandparents. Greg's cousin is an agronomy major, and right now she's taking a class on seed science and weed identification. I was fascinated by her homework. She had three rings full of seed packets: cultivated crops, forage crops, and weeds. She basically had to be able to identify any of these seeds for the exam. No small task, especially since a lot of them (like the various wheats and grasses and clovers) all looked exactly the same to me.


This seemed like it would be really difficult, but maybe it's not all that different from having to recognize various Gregorian chants that all sound the same for a music history final? I actually learned quite a bit about farming during our afternoon with Greg's family. Not only is Linda an agronomy major, but Greg's grandfather was a farmer and his aunt's family still runs a farm. I learned about things like insurance planting dates and corn sustainability ratings. More interesting than it sounds. I love learning new things.

We drove back to Kansas that evening, and yesterday morning Greg's mother was kind enough to take me 45 minutes west to lovely Lawrence, home of the University of Kansas. Greg warned me that it's a hilly campus, but being from the mountains, I was skeptical, until I actually had to climb Mt. Oread. It's definitely a formidable hill. My legs are sore today.


KU's campus was not quite as lovely as Iowa State's, but I felt more comfortable there. In fact, with its hills and its large campus, it reminded me quite a bit of the University of Tennessee - maybe with a little bit of Sewanee thrown in. I liked it. As we were walking around the campanile chimed every fifteen minutes.


I met up with a current MFA student, who gave me a short tour of the areas I'd probably spend most of my time at if I came to KU, including the emblematic Fraser Hall at the top of Oread:

I might teach a class in there...
By the time that tour was over, I was exhausted. No rest for the weary, however. A couple of hours after we got back from KU, Greg and I had to go back to the airport and fly home to Chicago. We didn't get back to our apartment until almost midnight. And poor Greg had woken up at 5:30. We slept in today.

Now the fun part is over, and I have to make my decision. It was really useful to see the campuses - I only wish I could have gone to West Virginia as well. The truth is, I didn't have a moment in either place where angels descended from the heavens and told me, "YOU BELONG HERE" (except maybe in Iowa State's library...) I have a lot of thinking to do over the next few days. I will be so, so, so glad when this process is over.


Waiting.

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Waitlists are fireworks of happiness that quickly reveal themselves as anxiety bombs. Especially now, with three days left until April 15.

I had really really hoped that I would not be in this position, so close to the signatory date and still...waiting. Unable to make a final decision because every possibility is not on the table. Having weighed, measured, and come down on the side of a school that I'm waitlisted at, I have nothing now to do but...wait.

Trying not to send too many emails to program directors. Feeling guilty towards the program I am accepted at. They're waiting too. On me. So are the people waitlisted at that program, praying for an 11th hour acceptance.


I'm lucky to have options. But three of them are half-options. I have no control over any of this.

I will be so freaking happy when this merry-go-round is over and I can start thinking about other things.

It's Official...

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I'm going to Iowa State University's MFA Program in Creative Writing and Environment.



I can hardly believe it. There were a whole lot of last-minute waitlist shenanigans over the weekend, but when I got the offer yesterday, I didn't hesitate to take it. The program has everything I want and more, it's close to Greg's family, and I loved the campus (even if I wasn't nuts about Ames - nothing's perfect, right?) It's fully funded with a lower teaching load than the other two schools I was considering and a higher stipend than Kansas.

I am so, so, so happy. So relieved that all of this is over and I never have to apply to MFA programs ever again (I hope). So excited to spend some time in that gorgeous library at Iowa State.

If I learned anything from this process, it is that the game is really not over until you have the rejection letter in hand. Anything can happen right up to April 15. Don't give up hope!

Maybe not so official?

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I suck at making decisions. I guess that's why the universe has been throwing a lot of really difficult ones at me lately.

This MFA ride just gets weirder. After a whole lot of waitlist drama last week, I thought this was all resolved. I was just waiting for the paperwork from ISU to show up in my mailbox.

Then, today, I got a call from another program who had someone unexpectedly drop out. This program is ranked very highly, much higher than the others I had been considering, and the offer comes with generous funding, health insurance, no teaching in the first year, and a whole lot of charming remarks about my novel-in-progress. And a faculty respected enough to make me feel that I should seriously consider this offer.

I seriously don't know what to do. The two programs are so different - one is longer and would let me flex my wings and try a lot of different things. The other would be an intense studio experience with the focused goal of getting me published. Both very attractive for different reasons.

I have to decide by Friday.

I knew this recent peace of mind was too good to be true.

Whew.

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So these last two days have been the most unexpectedly stressful time in recent memory. This was the hardest decision I've ever had to make, but when it came down to it, I just couldn't turn down the opportunity to go to North Carolina State and study with Wilton Barnhardt, John Kessel, and Jill McCorkle.

I am genuinely sad about leaving Iowa State behind, especially because I was so pumped to go there, but NCSU made me an offer I couldn't refuse. I would have been happy at either place, but I feel like this is the best place to do the kind of work I want to do.

Best of all...moving back to a place where sweet tea is the norm, not the exception at restaurants.

I seriously hope no other surprise options pop up in the next few days...had about all the decision-agony I can handle this month.

The final tally:

Rejected: Minnesota, Southern Illinois, Iowa, Alabama, Mississippi, Miami, Tennessee, Hollins, Virginia Commonwealth, New Mexico, Oregon State, Wyoming, and McNeese.

Accepted: West Virginia, Georgia College

Waitlists that turned into funded acceptances: Kansas, Iowa State, and North Carolina State.

I am SO glad this is over. For real this time.